Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
