my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
