Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
So squirting runs in the family.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Randomize