guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I love you. Go after that dick
Randomize
