No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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