Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
