my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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