Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
