i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
