Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
