Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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