Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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