my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Go christen that room with your naked body.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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