he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
