To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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