My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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