Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I wish you could order shots online.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
