Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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