Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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