I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize