How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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