the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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