Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
