I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
