i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
it was like eating out sand paper
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Randomize
