You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize