I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
