This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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