my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize