I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
