You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
