I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I have tasted many bathrooms
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
