Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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