That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
