how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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