So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize