One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
