Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize