I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
