I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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