there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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