Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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