yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I checked into jail on foursquare
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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