Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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