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• (425): View more from Washington

  My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed

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• (601): View more from Mississippi

  your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...

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• (979): View more from Texas

  You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands

  (713): View more from Texas

  When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things

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• (770): View more from Georgia

  my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad

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• (513): View more from Ohio

  she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."

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• (302): View more from Delaware

  I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.

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• (626): View more from California

  I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.

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• (919): View more from North Carolina

  Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?

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• (708): View more from Illinois

  You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.

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• (425): View more from Washington

  He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that

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• (575): View more from New Mexico

  She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.

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• (773): View more from Illinois

  I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.

  (847): View more from Illinois

  I don't even know what to say right now

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• (951): View more from California

  Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions

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• (614): View more from Ohio

  You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.

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• (540): View more from Virginia

  I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.

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