mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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