so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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