I want to stick my p in your. b.
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
