Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
