is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
