What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
where are you?
Hypothermia
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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