Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
