he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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