I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Randomize