First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
