Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize