she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize
