Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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