the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Randomize
