I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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